OmnifiXennial: The Pill For Mature Adult Sadness!
One and a half out of ten people swear by OmnifiXennial.
Are you aged 38-45? Do you suffer from the following?:
Espresso Deficiency
Midlife Career Ambition
Snack Curiosity
Binge-watch Eye
Pity Party Invitation Declination
Bad Therapist Syndrome
High School Memory Rumination
Unwanted Subscription Renewal
Mandatory Team Event Dysphoria
Post-Presentation Ego Deflation
Relationship Responsibility Phobia
Digital Detox Discontinuation Disorder
Unwritten Novel Malaise
Fame Crave (Bitter type)
Fame Crave (Deluded type)
Humanities Degree Lament
Sleep Failure
Tik-Tok Ignorance
Fashion Shame
Marvel Movie Letdown
Generational Miscommunication
Amazon Purchase Guilt
Half-Marathon Incompletion
Apple Device Accumulation Affliction
Personality Questionnaire Obsession
Flirtation Misinterpretation
Doom-scroll Finger
Desk Back
Crocs Regret
Procrastination Procrastination
Well, suffer no more! One daily dose of OmnifiXennial is all it takes to cure* all of the above ailments. Ask your doctor if OmnifiXennial is right for you.
Side effects may include accelerated aging, memory loss, and dysentery. OmnifiXennial increases sun sensitivity by a factor of 180.
Available in suppository only.
*may not cure
