Just in case you ever doubted me — Scientific studies have shown that writers read a lot. And I read a ton. Are you calling science a liar? I’ve wanted to write a book for over 15 years now. That’s dedication! I’ve told everyone I know that I’m writing a novel. Who would embarrass themselves by backing out…

Don’t throw it away! Take out that dusty Cotton Eye Joe CD single that’s been in there for 43 years and give your CD rack a new life. — Use it to store toast for a stunning vertical breakfast display unit. Place a large flat surface on top of it for a beautiful dinner table. Attach four little wheels to it and watch it roll! Make a TikTok account for it. Install a glass window over the open side…

He was the egg man; now you’re the old egg. — Step 1: Composure Do not physically harm the juvenile. Keep your movements slow and non-threatening. This will calm you as much as it does them (they’ll be shaken after discovering a void in their world knowledge). Step 2: Double-check Ask the teen if they know the song “Imagine.” Sing a couple of bars (accompany with air…

Watch your worries evaporate like steam off a freshly baked loaf of sourdough and snuggle into this 12-hour ASMR-inspired winter soundscapes playlist. Tracks include: Lively 1920s New York Café Inside Hogwarts’ Great Hall Cat Purring In Boston Bookstore While Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole Crunch Through Snow in Nearby…

A Man from Gondor offers Middle-earth’s most powerful wizards a progressive alternative to killing each other. As the Dark Lord Sauron’s rising power threatens Middle-earth, Gandalf travels to Isengard to seek Saruman’s advice. The two wizards meet and a heated discussion erupts over whether to join Sauron or fight against…

Take a swig of rum, strap on your lifejacket, and steel yourself for the best guide on how to fool your guests into thinking they’re at sea when they relieve themselves in your home. — 1. Collect some nautically-themed images on Pinterest. One to two thousand should be enough to spark some inspiration. 2. Buy a new house. Your current one doesn’t have a bathroom vast enough to contain your oceanic dreams. …

As we hurtle through the information age shouting, “Let’s do it!” to anything and everything that we can make possible with our COOL TECH, (because who needs ethics when you’re just, like, really curious?) we’ve accomplished some astounding things. My personal favorites so far: the infinite scroll (better to stay…

*as far as we know (Unwind yourselves, gentlepeople, it’s comedy) Shakespeare’s sonnets Danish architecture Rewatching Dunston Checks In The Kuiper Belt and associated celestial bodies of the trans-Neptunian region Baroque music Remembering the time you used the office printer on your lunch break to print out your resumé so you…

Unwind yourselves, gentlepeople, it’s comedy. In order to cope with the deluge of pandemic news and worldly horrors that have probably had Stephen King’s pens running out of ink for the past eight months, I’m proud to say that I’m now drinking alcohol from Monday to Friday only! My weekends…